Hey Infinite Beings!
Welcome to episode 5! We're thrilled you're here.
Here’s the breakdown:
02:06 Natalie says “selfishness gets a bad rap.” Kate and Natalie share the difference between egoism/narcissism and self-care.
04:55 Kate gets biblical on us with regard to being in the present vs. doing out of obligation.
07:21 Natalie takes a “right turn” and describes the difference between transactional versus relational patterns in relationships, i.e. “keeping score.”
10:04 Kate says “Being in that place of tit for tat is a fast track to a really terrible relationship.”
13:00 When the fear of falling into the trap of female stereotypes in relationships goes to weird places.
14:57 Natalie realizes that Kate is a good cook.
15:00 Kate finally lets Natalie get to the first question.
15:56 Kate coins the term “othersish” as an antidote to the word “selfish.”
16:30 Natalie defines the terms autistic vs. allistic, as they relate to this topic. Allism is based on the Greek word “allos,” meaning “other,” just as “autos” (in “autism”) means “self.” Paraphrased from an article that can be found at this link.
16:45 Just kidding, NOW we finally get to question one: What were the messages you got around selfishness growing up?
18:17 Kate’s admits that her relationship with double-standards around helpfulness is a work-in-progress.
19:06 Natalie shares that her messages in childhood were “do everything you can to not be described as selfish.”
19:55 Kate says “Pinterest has ruined so many parties. Because people thought there’s wasn’t good enough.”
20:00 Natalie talks about her journey with reclaiming the idea of selfishness.
23:35 How has your definition of selfishness changed as an adult?
25:20 You can’t give to others before first giving to yourself.
26:05 Natalie’s definition of selfishness is now “self-care.”
26:15 What’s your favorite way of being selfish?
26:36 Natalie describes an exercise in which she writes all the self-care things that she needs to do in order to have the life that she desires for herself.
28:20 Natalie says “Even though I’ve been on this path for several years, I still need those reminders. Sometimes daily Sometimes multiple times a day of…take care of yourself.” Kate says “Old habits die hard.
28:33 Kate says that her favorite way of being selfish is taking baths but admits that she doesn’t do it enough.
30:03 Kate drops the term “human design.” We Googled it later and found this. Kate can pick up the moods of those around her…including dogs. Natalie recommends leaving puppies on Kate’s path.
31:14 Kate describes that she needs to “sleep in her own aura” one night a week. Sorry, Krister! Couch for you. And Natalie admits that Ryan sleeps in his own aura sometimes.
32:43 Natalie shares that Ryan is her idol for a healthy selfishness.
36:45 Natalie talks about extraversion versus introversion and how she’s had a lightbulb moment about what that means about her needs for alone time and rejuvenation.
37:15 Kate calls Nat out for labeling herself and questions how valuable labels are, and then Natalie reciprocates when Kate inadvertently labels herself at 38:25.
41:00 Natalie’s sign that she’s doing too much is when she gets sick and feels relieved that she gets to cancel everything.
41:24 The #1 thing we tell clients around selfishness.
43:49 Natalie comments on the importance of role models. She says “If you don’t know that it’s possible, if you don’t see it in your reality, if you don’t see it around you, then why would you believe that you deserve it for yourself or that its possible for you?”
44:56 Kate says “Clay mask or oxygen mask, put yours on first.”
45:06 Bonus track blooper!
Without further ado, here is episode 5 of the Infinite Well podcast! Enjoy.
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